the sisters came up with an 'activity'. basically you randomly pick out a name from a basket, and then that name is the very person that you would be showering with random notes/little gifts here and there for a few weeks UNTIL the day of the FIRST RAIN. yes, so all the sisters took part in this and it was really sweet. random days when i got home from a really hard day i see a note on my table, other days i receive a kiwi gummy or a pretzel packet. and for my 'secret person', i would give her favourite snacks and leave a note or 2 on her desk to encourage her for the day/week. that was what happen for a few weeks now among the sisters, until today, when it rains, that we have to prepare for a final gift to give that person, and of course, finally everyone and their 'secret sister givers' are revealed.
it was a very pleasant and sweet experience, and afterwards we sisters just linger and sing and really PRAYED OURSELVES INTO GOD. When i say praying ourselves into God, i mean really opening up our mouths and shouting words of praise and singing songs and hymns and spiritual songs and just really was BESIDE OURSELVES, as we shouted "Hallelujahs" and was really jumping in joy in our Spirit. it was, a taste of the New Jerusalem. really. it was a beautiful sight, God-men. mini NJ.
(:
OH LORD JESUS.
but i cried. just because i have such a hardened heart. my heart is as hard as diamond. and NOTHING. nothing can break it, but diamond itself. and the diamond is but the Lord himself.
i felt the piercing, the cutting, the slaying of myself as I say my "amens" to the sisters' prayers, as I exercised my spirit and prayed into God, as I just shout "Jesus is Lord!" My tears flowed like a never ending storm. I was in repentance to the Father, repenting of my hardened heart, of my stubborn self, of my unwillingness. yet, i just can't. get over the fact that i can't be close to the sisters just like i'm close to my cousins and the bay area saints. why?
)':
Lord Jesus.
I just can't open up. I just can't.
I'm bitter that no families or trainees come to me.
And I'm just stubborn like this to leave it as it is. I am not active to GO to them.
It's against my morals, or my beliefs, or just, my self, my own hard self.
Lord Jesus.
I need you. I need you. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU.
I Need companions. I need to grow. I need to, Lord.
OH LORD JESUS.
OH LORD JESUS.
I really need so much of you.
